I HAVE LOVED MORE THAN A WOMAN A MILLION TIMES
Yes, I really have sought and sort out the dialogue thatwill not just appeal to the heart but that will relatively show the strugglesof the human heart… little wonder I hearthe Christian Bible say, ‘once as theLord spoken, twice have I heard’. This equally is metaphorical to theheart, there are ways our hearts do resonate truths to us-successively like thecadence of an orchestra, whispering ciphered messages that only our hearts canonly understand.
Sure most of you know that I still board commercial buses (wetin man go do now). It is in atraffic jam where I have to continuously inhale smokes from variousvehicle-silencers that I chose to write this. I feel at times we should notblame people with bad breath. Perhaps, they had woken up and were unable to usemc cleans or close-up, probably because theycould not afford buying it. (Oh God! DidI just mention some brands? I just hope this is not cheap advert for…) tobrush and have either used salt or ‘pako’(Yoruba native chewingstick for the teeth), or perhaps they opted for some of these toothpastethat I will choose not to mention their names to save me from comments on mybias and the toothpaste industry from a scandal that can make me notorious. ButI know you know them… the ones you use are more like that. (I just wish I will be paid for this publicity, ‘cause in advertisingthere is no cheap publicity). I had better tag close-up and mccleans so I get a…nope not brownenvelopes o!
Yes! I speak as a seasoned media-person!
That’s a by-the-way though. But imagine brushing your mouthand teeth with such… adding up to that, you still have to inhale the exhaustsmoke of different vehicles on Lagos road with different degree, texture andcontent of smoke. The ‘molues’, trailers, tippers,old-rickety-private cars, commercial buses and ‘saliva(s)’ of angry conductors. Why won’t they have badbreath?
Still in the bus with the frustrated passengers, tryingto teach the driver how to drive, when ahost of them do not even know how to start a car… (enu dun roof)Lagosians!I tried taking my mind away from the noise to relate with my inner thoughts andin the heat of the traffic, thoughts flowed spontaneously into my mind…thoughts of things that I have refused to let go. I do not know if it is mymind, my feelings or my heart (find the difference) that does this but my heartas had to learn that some things we hold as truths today may as well be flawedby tomorrow’s enlightenment.
History has revealed that there were assumptions that theearth was flat not until Galileo cameand flawed that assumption with his discovery that the earth is spherical, buttressing the fact thatassumption is the lowest form of knowledge. For this, he almost died, I thinkhe was killed (if my facts are correct-I equally ask you to go goggle it abeg), yet I hope that the religioussect will not crucify me for the statements I fear to say…
I have had to ask myself if one can only love just a man orjust a woman… really I do not have concrete answers to this, but I have seenwomen whose husbands were deceased, men whose wives were deceased get marriedto another, or perhaps it is a divorce case. So, do we say they build new lovefor their new spouses or perhaps one could love more than one person?
I believe that love isn’t monopolized, it is shared. I had better explain myself beforesomeone uses this as a criterion for promiscuity. Let me safely state that wesure can love more than one person or let me rather state as a fact andemphatically… I have loved more than oneand I still do, I am not saying this on the grounds of my experience, but askyourself if that’s true. (Oops! I just hope this won’t cost me…). You couldfill in the ellipsis, but the truth is as much as that is true, we still haveto choose who we want to liveour foreverwith… This, if I need to say is the part where our senses of responsibility is tested,if truly we can make a choice out of our plethora of love-choices and sincerelystick to being committed to such as a spouse.
Yes! At this point there are a lot of compromises to make,for definitely there will be one exceling feature in one that you won’t find inthe other. I suppose God chose this method so that no man can have it all, neithercan a woman have it all, probably so we can learn contentment that way. Chooseone and stick to it. But, if we choose to make our decisions on the qualitiesthat one has that excels the other we will only end up hurting ourselves, wewill end up asking the man or the woman inside us if he or she could go backinto the pages of his past and re-make our decisions… some of us might end upthinking, ‘what if I had married Smith, what if I had Victor…what if I had married Essence, what if I had narried Victoria or..’. and we will end up concluding that thingswould have been better if we had made a choice to accept his proposal or tohave proposed to her, (I bet married menand women understand this better, if they won’t lie like they always do-as ifthey don’t have doubts, or wish for a rewind in their lives’ pages- I know thatone of the hardest in the world is to get the church people to tell the truth).But… wait a minute, let no lady think I am striking this note on the men’sorchestra-personality, I am also striking the cord on the guitars of thewomen’s heart.
I know this seems like preaching that men are superior, butI have never said so and I have never thought so, I don’t even believe that… Ihave always loved women so much that I know that there is something about themthat controls the man’s mind, that can stir the heart of even the vilest ofmen… and if this power youbeautifulclan of eves have can be properly harnessed, maximized and tilted tohelping men understand you more, so sure am I that our men will stay at homethan peep through those houses and those car windows and even if they do,ensure you are the one standing out there for him to see. At this point I willsay you should overwhelm him in different versions but don’t choke him withwrappers tied from your legs up to your head like you want to marry Jesus theanointed… can I warn that, this I just said is for the married but I will askthe single ladies to steal a read, though… if you have gotten to this line Isuppose I shouldn’t sound this warning again.
What have I been saying?
Oops! This wasn’t my topic, I just played around… now to thematters of my heart…
There was a time I was so drenched in a relationship that Ifelt if she lets go of me I won’t love again, not one though and (please don’t think me as someone whochanges from one Eve to another for,Iaint not what you think) that if she leaves me I will like Tony Braxtonpromise that ‘…I shall never breatheagain…’. I had felt like Don Williams in my heart that, ‘some broken hearts never mend’, I hadthought like he equally said in one of his songs, ‘…till the sun falls from the sky I’ll be needing you…’.
For those who had just a relationship and got married (better for you, ‘cause I wish I did-I amnot saying I am feeling bad about that though… so don’t get all righteous onme) all I wrote in the preceding paragraph could be un-tenable, well that’san opinion just like mine. But I know too well that I have cried like a babywho doesn’t want to be left alone, holding on to my mother’s wrapper andweeping my fears of not wanting to be left alone on that same precious wrapper.Like that I have wept on some Eve daughters’ shoulders and wept same subtlylisping inaudible words to tell her the fears bottled in my mind,‘please don’t let go’. I said it not asthe en-vogue group sang it. It wasmore like a yearning in my heart ‘cause I so said them sincerely. I have aswell in my heart felt then that I can’t just live if living is without them. But time tells, today here I am,like brother Marvin Sapp will say, ‘I’m still standing’, not like my heartdoesn’t love them again… the truth us I have loved and I have never regrettedone(I’m sorry I just said that). Forme, I have had to learn during those times, save that now my heart is made on…(It is my ellipsis).
But I should lay my pen to rest now, yetI need to reiterate this, even if we love more than one, our hearts can equallychoose one. As for those of us whose hearts have been broken, maybe people whohave professed to have loved us and have eventually made us feel that there issomeone out there that is better than us, and that is why they have to leaveus. You should know now that they could not have been the best for you.Somehow, somewhere in a place, in this world, at a place in this world, at apoint in our lives, someone will come whose colour of love is also your colourof love and sure fortuitously or strategically, such will come and tell you, ‘the colour of love is you’ because youare his one.
It is still me…
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